עודכן: 8 באפר׳ 2021
In the last few days I had to make a decision, neither option was obvious or perfect. My stomach clenched and with it my ability to think clearly.
And then – unrelated and in parallel, while I was walking down the street with Amelia in her pram, on a hot sunny day, drops of rain started falling and before I knew what was happening the rain turned into a real torrent. I had two options: go home or stand under a large wide tree. I started laughing. It was a sign. From the sky. Message received. I could go home running like mad, arriving breathless and soaked. Or I could stand under a tree – under temporary shelter until the storm blows over. I decided to hug a tree 😊 (in other words to stand under a tree and thank it, thank it for the rain that came out of nowhere specially to give me a lesson about getting wet, while I stayed dry).
So what did I learn? I realized (again) that I need to make a decision once the rain and the strong wind pass. When they finish I will be able to see the picture clearly, to choose, to want and perhaps notice a great opportunity waiting for me beyond the storm.
Are you in a raging storm? Stop. Don’t decide out of fear, anger, frustration or a feeling of helplessness. Wait until the storm passes and then make a decision from a position of choice and preference, weighing the costs and the benefits. Don’t be afraid to stop for a moment and allow yourself a moment to feel what’s right for you.
One moment of magic and connection lead to me to write about a storm, trees and making decisions. I hope my words will help next time there is a storm blowing.
I don’t know if this feeling will last. I don’t know how far from it I’m going to feel in another few hours, days or weeks. I just know the situation right now. I promised myself to concentrate on the here and now. Not about what I had and no longer have or what I may have in the near or distant future but only in the here and now. On today and this very moment. I read an article about a Buddhist woman who feels that she wasted her life and is going to die because of a serious illness that tormented her years on earth. And while I read the chilling words of the Buddhist I promise myself that I will feel and live only in the present and I will be sad and happy and excited and dream about only what’s happening right now.
I don’t know how to explain it but today I woke up with a feeling of contentment. I am 2 and a half months after giving birth and I feel, as opposed to other mornings, how much I have. How many possibilities and how much joy and how much delight in this life, just waiting for me right now to choose them. Today I chose them.
We woke up early again and little Emy didn’t manage to go back to sleep. Hours of rocking her over and over and pacing along the corridors of the house, the stairs and everywhere. But Emy doesn’t fall asleep… she cries. And suddenly I understand something terribly simple and basic. Emy will cry. She’s a baby and that’s what babies do, isn’t it? So what does it matter where she cries? If at the same time me and my children and their father can enjoy something else, why on earth do I need to care where she cries? Maybe Emi’s crying in the house gives me the legitimacy to be sad and defeated and tired out. But now I don’t need that any more. It’s a waste of time right now. I don’t feel like being like that anymore, at least not today… today I feel like going somewhere, changing gear, seeing, doing, enjoying something different.
And then I turn to all my knowledgeable friends in whatsapp and I ask them where I can go to today. I check out various sites and realize bit by bit how many more things there are to do in this amazing place. There are so many options available right in front of me and all I need to do is just decide. To decide that just today (and after that if I want) just today I don’t want to waste the day being sad. Today I want to do something with my loved ones. I want to enjoy them, to be happy, not to think about anything. And if Emy cries, then she cries. Because that’s what babies do.
After many adventurous ideas and after I realize that Dad is tired and doesn’t want to go on a wild trip to the city (Manhattan) we decided to buy bicycles and go for a ride in the park and that’s exactly what we did. We drove to a shop a bit too far away (but a great shop) which has the best bicycles in town and we bought each of you a bicycle and a helmet. We drove to the park and I haven’t seen you enjoy yourselves so much in a long time. Mikey gets on a bicycle as though she’s been cycling her whole life and you Eliki, cycle fearlessly fast and shout from joy. Of course we also brought sushi and watermelon and something to drink. It was perfect, I had such a wonderful time and sweet Emy also enjoyed it and cried some of the time and fell asleep some of the time and ate and then cried again but it was just fine, because that’s what babies do.
That whole day, which of course also involved making dinner, giving baths, putting kids to bed and cleaning up, I didn’t feel fed up. I didn’t feel that I am missing out on something because I had gained so much. I had a magical day with you my loved ones and that is exactly the place that I need to be in right now. I love you my beloved children and I bless you every minute for being here. I want to live with you every single moment to the full and cherish every moment so they don’t turn into the distant past.